


spring bloom

by avianmalware



Category: Persona 5
Genre: M/M, also akira has been pining since forever and ryuji has never noticed, no spoilers !, ryuji is gay (bi) but also dense, those gay thoughts have finally caught him
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-27
Updated: 2017-06-09
Packaged: 2018-11-05 11:05:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,315
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11012157
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/avianmalware/pseuds/avianmalware
Summary: (Did i mention im bad at summaries?)Ryuji's never realized how hard he's fallen for his best friend, or that he ever crushed on him in the first place.





	1. Realizations

**Author's Note:**

> all ive been doing is consuming every piece of akiryu fic i can find so i might as well contribute to the pile. i havent written in literal months so im trying to kick it back into gear, excuse the possible shitty writing. also @atlus let akira be Gay

He was getting antsy now that they had no real set mission planned. No palace, no target, not even any requests for Mementos. Makoto told them to  lay low for a little while, be a “normal” student, but Ryuji had a hard time being that before he was even a Phantom Thief. He shuffled a bit and let out a sigh, leaning his head against the wall he was currently backed up on. He had been thumbing through the Phan-site for a while now, but still nothing. Waiting and watching just didn’t suit his style, but it seemed like the whole world was against him these past few days. He pouted, he had looked through the Phan-site about a million times now, refreshing the page and skimming over each post. Still nothing.

The silence that accompanied finishing a palace was never welcomed. Celebrating only delayed it and afterwards everything became unbearable, like something was burning inside him. He always tried to fill in that silence, tried to keep himself occupied with  _ something  _ so it didn’t eat him alive in the end. It always brought back up unwanted thoughts, and those very thoughts have been tearing away at him these past few days. 

He’s just been thinking. Thinking way too much. Thinking about the shit he’s been through, the shit he’s going to go through. It was irritating more than it was depressing, like a nagging feeling that just won’t go away. There was no use in trying to look to the Phan-site for help, and he decided to look through his contacts instead.

**Ryuji:** hey man, just waiting around doing nothing is making me anxious. im still at school if you want to hang out, just say the word. 

**Akira:** On my way.

It hadn't even been a minute before Akira responded, which surprised him, but was a trait he admired the most about him. He was always quick to respond whenever he needed him - A little vague maybe, but it added to his whole enigmatic air; he's known him for a couple months but he still couldn't read the guy. Still, even with all his confusing ass quirks, Akira was always looking out for him. Needed to vent? He was already there, never pushed too hard and always made sure he was okay. He smiled at the thought, he was probably the first person to show that he genuinely cared about a guy like him. He may have had his doubts, but he knew in the end, he could trust him.

He looked up from his  train of thought and already spotted him standing there. He hadn’t said a word and it looked like he was staring off. His curly hair was even messier than usual, it more so engulfing his face than “neatly” framing the middle and sides of it. His soft eyes were a darkened grey and a bit red, probably from rubbing them too much. What was that guy doing? It’s been a couple days since they stole the treasure and they've been cruising since, with all the free time he'd thought Akira would have cooled it by now. He pouted again, he really pitied the guy sometimes. 

He gave him a slight poke on the shoulder, “Yo, you there? You ain’t stayin’ up late doing stupid shit are you? Get some rest man.” 

“Hm? I’m fine.” He perked up and pushed his glasses up before giving him a slight smirk. “I could say the same for you, texting me at 3am a few days ago to play games. Mm...Does someone care about me?”

He grumbled, shoving his hands in pockets and felt a slight warmth set on his cheeks. Even tired he still was able to crack a few jokes and tease him, the guy was an annoying asshole and he  _ knew  _ it. But he still loved him. “You’re my best friend dumbass, of course I do! But sheesh, you worry me sometimes.” 

Akira just shrugged. He rolled his eyes in response, “Anyway, where d’you wanna go? I’m starving for some good food to be honest...” 

* * *

 

They had to settle for the diner in Shibuya instead, neither of them had the money to afford anything expensive and Ogikubo was way too packed for them to wait. The food here was alright, if not a bit boring. He just stayed slumped in his seat, poking at the steak he ordered. Akira’s hands were lightly clasped around the coffee he ordered, the warm orange glow from the diner resting nicely across his hair. Akira had such good looks, he probably had great luck in scoring dates, his friend should give him tips sometime. He was kind of jealous, he could never pull off the soft look he always had. Not like he  _ wasn’t _ confident in his looks, he took good care of this face, people just didn’t understand his style. That was it, yeah. That and the whole delinquent thing…

It’s been bugging him ever since the Phantom Thieves started. Outside the palaces and Mementos, it was hard for him to grab something to distract him from those thoughts. Before any of this, it was easier when he was just dealing with it and accepting it. Still, he wished that shit with Kamoshida never happened. He would still be on the track team with a bright future ahead of him. People wouldn’t hate him as much as they do, there were so many fights he could have avoided...He wouldn’t have met Akira though, they would probably have never been as close as they are now. 

“Hey, Akira.” 

“Mm?” He lazily slurred out, arching a brow. He looked up at the blond. His tired gaze was kind of maddening, something about it made him too uncomfortable to keep eye contact. He sunk lower in his seat, pushing at his steak and muttering. 

“Do you...Do you think I’m a good person?” 

His hands shifted from his mug to being folded up on the table, he could tell he stood up straighter as well. The coffee probably woke him up by now, that, or the sudden concern that seemed to radiate from him. “Yeah. Why do you ask?”

“Uh...Can I ask why?” He fumbled with his fork, continuing to refuse to look up at his friend. “Sorry for gettin’ deep outta nowhere. Been thinkin’ too much lately, no problem with dropping it though.”

There was a long moment of silence from Akira, the only real sound from him was the drumming of his fingers. Every second he didn’t answer felt like absolute hell. He guessed he didn’t expect much anyway, maybe Akira just hung out with him out of pity. It seemed plausible. Guy definitely was too cool for someone like him.

“Let’s see...Despite you trying to be a tough guy, you’re gentle and supportive. You go out of your way in order help someone, anyone - Even strangers. Someone I can trust.” He paused for a moment. “You’re so hard on yourself sometimes but you don’t need to be. You have a good heart you know?” 

Wow… Okay, he wasn’t expecting that much from him, and definitely not something so mushy. It took him a couple minutes to realize he was looking at him slack jawed and wide eyed, and he hurriedly straightened himself out. And he must’ve been staring at him for a while now, because Akira had his hand covering his mouth, quietly chuckling. He glared at him, the heat from his face almost searing, and quickly sputtered out, “G-god you’re such a sap you know! Then, you have the nerve to laugh at me, cruel Akira. Just cruel.” He crossed his arms and frowned at him. 

He went into a laughing fit at the comment, leaning further into his hand as his chuckles turned into loud, genuine laughter. Each laugh made his hair bounce while his glasses almost slipped off his face, he just waved his free hand at him nonchalantly. If Ryuji wasn’t already red from embarrassment, he’d certainly start blushing right now. This was the first time he had heard Akira actually laugh. It was usually just soft chuckles at most from him or even a small smile. Nothing this...Dramatic. It was kind of? Cute? He shook his head at the thought, quickly looking the other direction. This was his friend he was talking about, thinking that was practically against the rules. Rules Ryuji apparently made just now. 

Eventually Akira calmed down, though a wide grin continued to stay on his face after all that. Talk about calling  _ Ryuji  _ loud, people were staring at them through that whole fit and Ryuji was too embarrassed for any more of this. He lifted his hands up defensively, “I only speak the truth. Plus it was kind of funny, have you never been told that before?” 

“..Not at all.” 

“Consider me your first then.”  

He gave him a weird look, there was a mischievous glint in his eyes but there was no joke in that statement. “Man, phrasing...Have you ever tried to speak like a normal person?” 

He shrugged at him though his smile never faded. 

“...It’s getting late anyway, let’s just head back home.” 

* * *

 

He was still frazzled by the entire event that took place in the diner. By now the two had split up from the subway and he was making his way home, but unfortunately it only gave him more time to think about things. As much as the group liked to call him an airhead - And  _ sure _ he might not give everything much thought - he was quite the overthinker. Without any sort of distraction, he found himself dwelling on things for too long. That's how the question sprung up in the diner. 

He felt light and airy his whole walk home, repeating the things Akira had said to him after he asked. Though, he felt a little ashamed by it.

Normally, Akira was his distraction. And now? Akira was the one thing clouding his thoughts.

He could practically feel his gut turnover inside him. He thought his friend was cute. That  _ Akira _ was cute. The guy did have an air of femininity to him, his soft eyes, nimble fingers, thin lips- He shook his head, catching himself before he could finish that thought. Still, he had to admit that he did have nice features...Even friends could appreciate good looks, couldn’t they? There was no harm in thinking his best friend was cute, he was sure other people thought the same way as well for their friends. 

He grumbled, kicking at the dirt beneath him with his hands jammed into his pockets. No matter how hard he tried to rationalize all this, it still felt weird. Maybe he bumped his head or some shit in the morning, that’s why he was feeling like this. Some good rest would clear his brain from all these thoughts.

 


	2. Jealousy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> somewhere in the comments i said itd update like every friday but i got a surge of inspiration and couldn't wait the next couple days since i was already done with it
> 
> aka ryuji is starting to realize but still is in heavy denial

Ryuji was wondering why the guy was taking so damn long. He was trying not to pace around as he stood in front of the school gates. He and Akira were supposed to be going to the arcade today, but by the looks of it, he forgot about their plans. That, or, judging by another tired state he was in when they met at the subway that morning, dozing off in class. At some point he was gonna ask to hang out just to get him to take a nap, his lately spaced out state was starting to freak him out. He was always so composed, but he guessed now that there was nothing to focus on, Akira was unfocused himself. With Akira like this, Ryuji almost felt like a mother hen, wanting to nag at him to take care of himself. 

If he had really fallen asleep in class he figured texting him wouldn't be any help. He was about to head over to get him, when a familiar laughter floated towards his direction. He perked up, looking to see who it could be. Standing next to a short boy with blue hair was Akira. The two were chatting together the whole way, laughing at whatever the other said.  _ Had he been hanging out with Mishima the entire time?  _ Part of him just wanted to run over there and...and..He didn't know, grab at Akira? Yell at them? Before he could finish the thought, he noticed the two were exchanging waves and kind goodbyes with Akira heading in his direction. He was awfully happy which - oddly enough - made Ryuji not happy. 

“Thought we were headin’ over to the arcade,” he snapped rather harshly, he could see Akira slightly jolt at the tone, it surprised him too. 

“We are, just lost track of the time. Sorry.” he gave him a kind smile as an apology and his voice oozed of giddiness in contrast to his usual blunt tone. Something about it made his gut feel heavy inside him. 

“Don't worry, we're not dating or anything,” 

Uh..What? He eyed at his friend weirdly but didn’t say a word, still trying to process what he just said. He kept his gaze on him, a smirk tugging at his mouth, which only seemed to have made the situation worst for Ryuji. Why would he even care if they were dating? It didn’t make much sense to him no matter how much he tried to make out what he said. 

Did Akira think….He was jealous? No effin’ way...He took a quick step back, a red heat creeping up to his face and his palms became clammy in response. He managed to yell out, “I-it's not like that! Seriously, think normally next time!” 

He put a finger over his mouth, a sign that Ryuji was getting loud again. He was all too used to that look, it had become habit for him to do that every time the team grouped up. He just lowered his shoulders and averted his gaze from him, mumbling. At least this time no one was around to hear all that. Akira just laughed before replying, “Something had to bother you. If it makes you feel better I'll make sure to save some more time to hang out with my  _ best friend _ .” 

He could feel himself calm down when he heard that. Something about it made him feel warm inside, as if he liked the idea of getting some special friend treatment. But, he could still feel the earlier irritance swirl around him, only making him more confused about the situation. He just waved his hand at him to start walking, not wanting to dwell on it any longer. 

* * *

 

What the arcade was  _ supposed _ to do was take his mind off of things. These past few days were hard and confusing, filled to the brim with his attention being on Akira and the sudden thoughts that came to surface. Maybe hanging out with the very guy that was causing those thoughts to pool up wasn’t the greatest idea, but he was trying okay? He wasn’t used to not being around Akira and using him to relax his thoughts, but now all he did was make him feel unnecessarily  _ hot _ . He couldn’t help but catch himself staring at Akira -  _ God has he always been like this?  _ \- the entire time at the arcade. His face was scrunched up slightly, confident expression focused on the shooting game in front of them. His movements were fluid, commanding, and almost graceful, the same reflexes he had during their time at Mementos. His domineering stance made his knees wobble and Ryuji’s own hands felt clumsy in comparison, his shots barely hitting.

“Unless we’re being attacked in real life, the enemies are on the screen, not my face.” Akira said sternly, expression dropping. He was pulled out of his thoughts then, quickly straightening himself up as much as possible and redirecting his attention towards the game. It was still a struggle to focus, he had to hold the toy gun with both hands in order for him to even hit even half his shots. He was feeling awfully sweaty for a video game. 

Akira had gone out to buy them some drinks at a nearby vending machine, causing Ryuji to fumble with his jacket and wince at his own actions. This whole day had been a mess and he couldn’t deny he’s been just as clumsy the days before. That event at the diner brought these feelings to his attention and he hated every minute of it. It was even worse, now that Akira had brought up him being seethingly “jealous” at him for talking to Mishima and trying to reassure him they weren’t dating. He wouldn’t have even cared if they were! He was probably just a little mad that Akira was late, he had been waiting around for a while before he showed up. Although, he remembered how irritated he got the happier Akira sounded and looked, like he didn’t want anyone else to make him that happy. No, he had to be mistaking it for something else. It had to be a different reason. He was not  _ jealous _ and he was most definitely  _ not  _ crushing on his best friend. He was just mad and impatient then. Obviously. 

Before his thoughts could get any worse, he could hear the soft footsteps of his friend making his way back. He sighed out a thank you, grabbing at the orange soda Akira offered to him. He took two hard gulps, but for some reason, his mouth still felt particularly dry in his presence. He glanced up at Akira, who slowly opened his can of juice and closed his eyes as he drank. His long lashes rested nicely on his cheeks and was a dark contrast from his pale skin, his lips forming nicely around the can- He groaned, was he always this observant with him? He had to focus his eyes somewhere he guessed, but he had to admit this was a bit much. It earned him a brow raise, one eye opening and looking at him. 

“Do you need to talk?” He asked softly, it seemed like he took a step closer too, causing Ryuji to step back in reaction.

“Wh- What?”

“You’ve been acting weird lately, you know you can talk to me about anything right?” 

Curse Akira for being so oddly perceptive of everything. He was like an open book to him, which wasn’t all that bad sometimes, but felt like hell now. All his actions were probably blatantly obvious and even if it wasn’t, he had a talent of picking up on things. The guy could tell when he was sad by how he slumped his shoulders just a little bit lower, or when he couldn’t focus because his eyes couldn’t just stay on something for longer than a second, or when he put a little bit more weight on his right leg when he was in pain. Hiding things from him was no use, but he still shook his head at him. 

“S’nothing, don’t get all worrying on me now.” He looked up at him smirking, but everything about it felt a little forced. He lifted up the gun from the machine he was leaning on. 

“You ready for Round 2?” 

He eyed him for a bit, but thankfully knew when to drop it. “You’re on. Try to hit something this time though, unless you want your ass kicked.”

The next few minutes at the arcade was exhilarating; it finally felt like Ryuji’s thoughts were melting away. For a video game, he could feel the adrenaline rush through his veins and he was antsy from all the excitement that came out of their little competition. This game required little movement, but that didn’t stop him from moving his whole body to the rhythm. He jumped back and forth on his feet and his empty hand kept twitching, aching to hold on to something too. He was way too used to holding his shotgun in the metaverse. He took a quick glance at Akira, who stood up straight, legs spread apart slightly and gun hand outstretched towards the screen. Even though they were playing against each other, they seemed to balance each other’s tempos perfectly. Hell, it even felt like they were back in the metaverse, fighting off shadows together. 

Besides that, he was totally winning. He was jittery and chaotic, but somehow was able to pull each shot off better and faster than Akira could. He took another look at his friend, his hand was gripping the gun tighter and sweat pooled up at his forehead, he wasn’t too happy about it. He grinned widely, trying to quickly power through the last stage before he could even get there. Just so he could rub it in his face more. 

By the end of it the two were both panting with their hands on their knees. At this point, it was much more intense than their training sessions. He straightened up, hands up on his sides and chest puffed out. He was still grinning, looking down at the defeated Akira. The boy looked up then, frowning slightly before mirroring his grin and gesturing outside their little circle. There was….a crowd watching them. Had they really been that intense? His grinned turned bashful and he rubbed the nape of his neck, eyes looking at the ground. 

“T-told you I’d win...”

“Mhm? You made quite the show.” 

He shot a glare at him and huffed, asshole was trying to act like he  _ wasn’t _ trying to look cool during that entire game. Akira was the exact definition of extra - not even Yusuke could top that. But as much as he’d love to argue about it, it was starting to get late and they’d have to go their separate ways soon. He frowned, around now was his least favorite part: Having to leave Akira and the fun that came with him. 

It’s when he goes to look at Akira again, who had also come to this discovery and was trying to think of what to say. His eyebrows were ever so slightly knitted, mouth open just a bit as if he wanted to say something but didn’t know how. A surge of feelings welled up inside him at the sight, one of confusion and another that made his heart flutter inside him. It was easy to catch him lost in thought, but never in one where he looked so unsure of himself and confused; it made him seem a little less than perfect like how Ryuji thought he was, and it was kind of endearing. He didn’t press him though, just silently waited as he watched him think.

“Ah, it’s getting late, but do you want to hang out at LeBlanc? Tomorrow is Sunday so, you could even stay over.” 

“That’d be awesome man. I’d have to check in with my mom though, don’t want her to be lonely y’know?”

“Oh. Right.” 

An awkward tension settled between them after that. Akira sucked in a breath, eyes toward the ground and left foot quietly tapping behind him. It was disheartening to see him so oddly disappointed in himself and it only left Ryuji more confused than before. He wrapped an arm around his shoulder in attempt to comfort him. 

“I’ll go call my mom right now, mkay?”


	3. Tired Confessions

Despite the messy and dusty look of the attic, it was almost like a second home to Ryuji. He and Akira hung out here countless of times, just reading manga, playing video games, or just enjoying being in the same space. And as much as he hated coffee, the smell of it and curry that travelled upstairs was almost sweet and calming. It mostly reminded him of Akira, where the scent always seemed to linger no matter where he was or what he was doing. 

Speaking of Akira, he returned to his usual state, who perked up when his mom said it was alright. It still puzzled him though. His hesitance that lead to disappointment. His expressions were always so restrained - not forcefully just, that’s how he was. Small, delicate expressions. Nothing ever so apparent, that was Ryuji’s thing. Not just that though, but also the reasoning behind it all - Mainly because he still didn’t know why. He said that he bought some new manga for the two to read, but it didn’t add up. It was no use in trying to dwell on it though, and Ryuji decided he did enough thinking for an entire week. Now it was time to just enjoy these mangas and Akira’s company for as long as possible. Even with all their hang outs, not once has he ever stayed the night. 

They decided to sit in front of the bed instead of on it; there was more space and the cold floor helped them cool down from the hot weather outside. Next to them were two chairs, one with a stack of manga and the other was filled with snacks Sojiro let them bring up. Judging by the contents of the books, he could tell Akira took his advice. Unfortunately though, this meant he pretty much read through all of them already. He just picked a random volume from the stack earlier, flipping through to find the scenes he loved most. He scooted closer to Akira, peering over his shoulder to see where he was at in the story. 

“Pretty cool, huh?” He smiled, then held up the manga in his hand, “I’m just dyin’ to show you my favorite scenes in the next volume. It gets real intense after this.” 

“Can’t wait. It is pretty exciting.” 

“I know right?! I was actually rooting for the heroes in this story for once! You know me, it’s always the villains, but this time the heroes aren’t given everythin’. It’s refreshing.” 

“Didn’t know you liked tragedies,” he cooed. 

Before he could respond, he felt a sudden weight on his shoulder, and curls that tickled his neck and made him shiver. He looked straight at Akira, who had started to comfortably lean against him, which only caused Ryuji to jump back in alarm. Widened eyes stared back at him, before quickly sitting up and apologizing. 

“It’s alright man. You tired? You’ve been spacing out lately and it’s concernin’ to be honest. You can rest on me if you really want to.”

A tint of pink bloomed across his cheeks - Did he say something? - but he shook his head at the offer, “I’m doing fine, guess the palace is catching up to me. My eyes are starting to hurt from reading though, wanna play some games instead?” 

“Aw man I’m all pooped out from games ‘cause of earlier. I can watch you play somethin’ though if y’want.”

 

Only now did he realize how tired he was, sitting on the chair backwards and leaning into it, eyes half lidded as he tried to keep his attention on the screen. They turned off the lights earlier and now the glow of the TV was the only thing keeping him up. And at this point, he couldn’t even remember what game Akira was playing - Something about mothers? The Earth? Who knows. - but the music and visuals were soothing to watch.

He rested his head in his arms and gave out a yawn. Akira looked pretty interested in it though, he probably wouldn’t even notice if Ryuji fell asleep right then and there with how focused he looked. It was like he was in some weird trance, a calm but concentrated look on his face as he leaned towards the TV. The soft glow of the screen shone gracefully on his body, making him seem so...Ethereal. He stared at him in quiet awe for a while and felt grateful that Akira was too focused to witness his friend caught in such rapture. He was also lucky that he was too tired to give much thought to all these feelings, instead just letting it happen. It’s not like anything bad could happen from it. 

“I love you.”

His mind didn’t catch up to the words that had managed to flood out his mouth, but when it did, he was awake as ever. He sat up straight, eyes shot open and staring directly at Akira. He could feel his face become hotter by the second and he couldn’t even think, he was in full-on panic mode. Akira hadn’t even paused the game, he just blankly stared back at him, face as red as his probably was. 

“As a brother! Y’know you’re always lookin’ out for me and stuff, I was jus’ thinking about that.” Curse this god awful brain of his. He was known for having absolutely no filter, just blurting out the first thing that came to mind, and it always got him in trouble. It’s not like it was even true! He was just tired is all...Not thinking straight, that was it.

Thankfully Akira took the bait and nodded, giving him a little smile before going back to the game. He let out a breath, burying his face back into his arms. Sleep sounded great now.

* * *

 

He woke up, groggy and irritated. If there was one thing Ryuji was not, it was a morning person. Though judging by the light that came out the window, it was more like the afternoon. He groaned and sat up, looking around the place. 

For one, he couldn't remember how he got on the couch, last he remembered he was sitting on a chair. Two, it looked like Akira had been awake for quite a while, just reclining on the bed with a book in his hands. He rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly. 

“Morning, Sleeping Beauty, how was the beauty rest?” He rolled his eyes at the comment, not like Akira was much of a morning person either. 

“Oh shuddup,” He turned his body to face him, “Sorry though dude, didn't realize how tired I was. This couch sucks by the way, my back’s killing me.” 

“Sorry, had nowhere else to put you.” 

Put...Him? Oh, right, Akira was probably the one who brought him on the couch. How nice of him. He stretched a bit, before standing up and walking over to his friend. 

He picked up a snack from the pile still lying around, before saying in between chews, “Think I'm gonna head back soon.” 

“...Leaving so early?” He asked rather slowly, he sounded somewhat sad about it. 

“Mm, yeah. It was nice hangin’ but I gotta go check on my mom. Also still tired, and sleeping on a bed sounds  _ great _ right now.”

* * *

 

His apartment was dimly lit, the only light was coming from the window in the living room and the kitchen light that was still on. That meant mom wasn’t home yet, probably another late shift. It was hard to keep track of it nowadays, given how many jobs she was working at. He sighed, he could try to prepare something for her if they had anything left. 

The apartment itself always felt...antique, almost abandoned. It was a semi-messy place where dust never seemed to leave, and the furniture was old and musty, but the smell was sweet like flowers. Despite the atmosphere and look of the place, it never ceased to calm him down. It was the first place they got after  _ him _ . There were little bad memories here, just nice times with his mom. He guessed this was why he found the attic so soothing, it quite literally reminded him of home.

He headed over to the kitchen to see what they had, and to get some much needed lunch. He spotted a sticky note on the fridge. Something about not being able to get groceries. There was instant ramen in the pantry though. Another deep sigh, he’d have to save the cooking for later. He made a mental note to go out and buy a few things whenever he got the chance, just to lessen the load.

After all that was said and done, he made his way to his room, plopping down on his bed. He was tired but, not enough for him to actually sleep. Instead, he just laid there, staring off at the ceiling. The silence of the apartment wasn’t unbearable, but definitely not wanted. He wished he didn’t leave Akira, or at least stayed for a little longer, he wasn’t ready to be by himself yet. Too many things were racing in his mind lately. 

Memories of last night managed to make their way back to the front of his mind. Those words he said last night still lingered in his mind, thank god Akira chose to ignore it, but it was still  _ there _ . It was still unfortunately haunting his own brain. It made him feel sick. Was it alright to feel like this for a friend? To him it was so...selfish. He was asking for so much. Not to mention that he was a piece of a shit. A delinquent in fact. Sure, Akira didn’t have a flawless record on him either but, he was way out of his league, he did  _ not _ deserve someone like him - Even as a friend. 

He turned on his side, rolling his eyes and groaning. He hadn’t been this messed up over a crush since  _ junior high _ . It was amusing in that sense, but still troubling. Part of him wanted to doubt that Akira would ever leave him over something as childish as this but...He still had his worries. Akira was one of the only good things in his life, and he didn’t want to ruin it over a couple shitty feelings. Even so, Ryuji was not the type to hold anything in. It’s how he got into every bad thing that’s happened to him in the first place. Pushing something back would just eat him up inside and, whether he liked it or not, there was going to come a time where he’d just burst. This would have to be the one secret he had to keep. 

He must have been mulling it over for a while, because he could hear the front door click open in the distance. He slowly sat up,his entire body ached and he felt groggy, as if he just woke up again. He sat there for a little while, trying to gather his bearings and still his thoughts. Eventually, he padded out the room, peeking out from the hallway. She looked exhausted, leaning against the couch lazily, hair frizzy and bags haphazardly thrown down. He pouted and walked over to her side of the couch. She looked surprised to see him. 

“Thought you were with your friend? Anything wrong?” she asked, tired eyes becoming concerned. 

“Wanted to check on you, forgot it was a late shift though.” He chuckled, raking a hand through his hair. His posture stiffened though, and he found himself tapping at his thigh. “Uh, can we talk actually? I can - uh - make tea or somethin’ so you can relax, though like, if you're too tired I understan-”

She put a hand over his, and gave him a kind nod, “Tea would be lovely.” 

He took a seat next to her once the tea was finished, and turned his whole body towards her, crisscrossed on the couch. He fiddled with his fingers and just sat there in silence, trying to gather his thoughts before he said anything. She simply waited while quietly sipping on her tea. 

“I got a….crush on my friend I think. I dunno, I just keep….thinking about them and stuff and it’s gettin’ on my nerves. I just want this to be over, don’t wanna ruin anythin’ y’know?” 

It was a long silence after that, just her humming and looking down at her cup, “...Is it that Akira boy you brought over a couple times?” 

“Wait-  _ What _ ?” 

“Oh c’mon, it’s quite obvious Ryuji, though I suppose you’ve always been this way with love...I’m surprised you guys haven’t hit it off really, with the amount of stolen glances you two have…” 

“M-mom!” He yelped, before balling his fists and slumping his shoulders. Was it really that apparent? “...That’s ‘sides the point...How do I - Should I tell him? What if he like, hates me for it or whatever…”

She smiled softly, placing a hand on his leg, “If this is the same Akira we’re talking about then I think it’ll be alright. Real friends wouldn’t hate you for feeling that way, mkay?” She paused for a moment, before leaning forward and whispering, “And if my guts are right, I think you might have a chance really.” 

He squinted at her and frowned, she loved to mess around with him sometimes, but she seemed serious about it this time. That was besides the point though, thinking like that was just hopeful wishing but, it still felt nice to consider. She was right though, even though his own self esteem said otherwise, Akira really did care about him. Even if he was turned down, things were going to be alright. He let out a thank you before leaning against her. It felt like a huge relief washed over him, he knew he could count on his mom to say the right things. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter 3, also known as the chapter i decide to dedicate half of to ryuji taking care of his mom because she deserves some Love. shes great


	4. Bloom

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> finally....the final chapter is here. hope you like ! i have a one shot in the works as well as a multi-chapter again so, stay tuned for that !

Ryuji was not the type to wait, always felt like he was gonna burst when he had to. All those times Akira waited to go to palaces or held off the calling card, left Ryuji all pent up with energy but no outlet. He always found himself trying to jog it out, to take his mind off it quickly so it didn't feel like he wasn't doing anything. It was like anticipating the shot to go off before a race started, adrenaline going off and heart beating so loud everyone could hear it. Except the seconds before it happened were more like days, and felt like centuries. 

Despite all of this, he found himself watching the days go by like he was looking through a glass, not really living in it. He was trying to psych himself up, pensively  _ waiting _ for the right moment to tell him. For the first time in his life he didn't want to rush things. 

He wasn't as good as Akira was with it though, he didn't know what it meant for it to be the right time. It would have taken him a week, if it wasn’t for all the strange stares he was getting. He had to admit he was acting kind of weird lately. He was too quiet for his own good, always staring off at something. It was so obvious, so easy to tell what - no,  _ who  _ it was but there was nothing. Not even from Ann, she was always so nosy, and another person who could easily see right through him. It was all just looks though, maybe asking if he was alright, but that was it.

And now, now he was in the lion’s den. LeBlanc always had this calming effect to him, like all his problems melted away the minute he stepped in. But right now? He was full of anxious energy. No matter what he drank his mouth felt dry, his eyes flitted across the room, and his palms were uncomfortably sweaty. He let out a shaky sigh, gaining a look from Akira.

“S’fine. Exams, y’know?” he managed to spit out, which was the truth, they were right around the corner. Just not exactly the object of his anxiety.

“Wanna study?” 

He let out a laugh, “Hell no. I’m hangin’ out with you cause I wanna have fun, not do more  _ work _ .” It earned him a small chuckle from Akira, who ended up leaning closer to him. 

He spied at the manga in Ryuji’s hands, “For someone saying you’re here to have fun with me, you sure are just keeping to yourself.” 

“Shush. It’s just nice bein’ here y’know,” He nudged his side, “We can do somethin’ fun though if you want.” 

“Nah, I'll just read with you.” 

 It was like that for a while, just the two of them sitting on the bed. By now Akira was leaning against him, arms touching and head tilted into the crook of his neck. He didn't dare back away or flinch when it happened, wanting to bask in the touch. Every part of him felt electrified. His soft curls were cold against his neck, and every time he breathed in, he could smell the coffee and spices again. It was nice and sweet, almost intoxicating. 

It was nice that Akira felt so comfortable around him, he wouldn't mind if it was like this for the rest of his days. Just the two of them enjoying each other's company, leaning against each other in silence. 

Ugh. As much as he accepted that he had fallen for this guy  _ hard _ , this was too much. He couldn't get distracted either, he was here for a reason. Still, it’d be nice to stay here like this, he didn't want to ruin the moment-

No, he was on a mission, he just wanted to get it over with. Maybe if things turn out well they could do this more often-  _ No! _ Sure, it was nice to think about, but that wasn’t the point of any this. He just wanted to get it out and done with, he didn’t expect any returned feelings. He didn’t want to either. He just wanted to have things go like they usually do, without those feelings constantly clouding his mind. Still-

“Ryuji.” 

He jolted back to his senses, which caused Akira to stop leaning against him. He almost whined in response, wanting him to come back on his shoulder, but quickly caught himself before he did. 

“What?” 

“We’ve been staring at this page for like, 30 minutes. I think I’ve read this scene ten times by now.” He paused for a moment. “Are you sure there isn’t anything wrong?” 

He didn’t realize how close Akira still was. He had whipped his head to face him, ready to give a nonchalant reply, but came to a harsh stop at the sight. They weren’t even an inch away, noses almost touching, but neither backed up. The two stayed like that for a while, steely grey eyes peering at him, concerned. Ryuji was almost caught in some sort of trance by the sight of him up close; he was never able to fully take in his beauty until now. He tried not to get caught staring for too long however, quickly averting his gaze elsewhere, feeling his cheeks flush at the realization. 

“I, uh- Actually I, um.” He chuckled softly, rubbing the nape of his neck. He’s done that so often at this point he felt like he neck was going to burn too. “I want to talk about something.” 

Akira had cocked his head slightly, and he could’ve sworn he tried to lean in closer. “I’m all ears then, you can tell me anything.” 

It took him a while to try and regain his composure. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath but, still felt fidgety. He took to fumbling with his fingers instead, looking back up at him, “I...I love you.”

Silence. Just, silence. He had made a small “Oh” with his mouth, his eyebrows twitched in confusion and he slightly jerked back, though they were still close. Ryuji slumped his shoulders and he could feel himself shaking. He hadn't expected something this drastic, he looked shocked - Maybe angry? He couldn't tell, he was too nervous to make out anything. And unfortunately for him, he only knows to ramble when he gets nervous.

“I know, I know. A couple nights ago I said ‘like a brother’ and uh, that was total bullshit. Jus’....didn’t want to come to terms with it, I dunno. Like I? I think you’re really pretty? And uh - I said you made me feel…free and that’s still true, like you’re just so nice? T’me of all people...Feel like you really care about me. And I wouldn’t mind bein’ with you but - I mean if you don’t that’s totally cool - I don’t expect much from this. I don’t know why I’m still sayin’ shit. It’s prolly all stupi-”

Before he knew it he could feel delicate lips press up against him and almost instantly he softened to the touch. His entire body felt like it was melting, and it was dizzying to try to stay up. The kiss was soft and sweet, but also fleeting. Like a dream he didn’t want to wake up from, but inevitably had to. Akira had eventually pulled away after what felt like years, but still not long enough. He let out a soft sigh, brushing over his lips. He...He didn’t know what to think, he didn’t know if he  _ could _ think. He felt light and dazed, his mind cloudy.

“Y…You kissed me.”

“Uh, yeah. Sorry, impulse.” He glanced at him for a second, before focusing on some spot in the room. He had pulled his legs up to his face, hands clasped around them. He was...Nervous. Almost disappointed. All Ryuji wanted to do was pull him over and comfort him. Maybe run his hands through his hair, kiss him again, anything to make him look happier.

“No, no don’ be. It was um. Nice...But why?”

“Is it not obvious?” He shot him a confused look, and Akira only sighed in response. “...I like you too.”

“Wh- Since when?!” 

He drummed his fingers on his knees, looking up at the ceiling, “How long have we've known each other?” 

“Akira!” He squinted at him, now was not the time for jokes. He just poured his heart out to him! It made his head hurt, everything should have been done already, not even more confusing.

“I'm not kidding.” 

“...Really?” He nodded. Ryuji leaned against the wall, eyeing at him, didn't look like he was joking. In fact, his own red flush seemed to take over half his face. His heart fluttered at the sight.

It was another round of silence afterwards. This time, not as unbearable. Just the two of them taking in the information. He was still shocked, but the realization made him feel warm, and a small grin pulled on his face. He scooted closer to Akira, hesitantly putting a hand over his. He could've pulled away at any moment but didn't, instead choosing to finally make eye contact with him again.

“Can I kiss you?” Ryuji blurted out and his face turned a deep red, he didn't mean to say that. He broke eye contact once again, but he heard a laugh from Akira, and felt a hand pulling up at his chin. 

His fingers traced his jawline, creeping up towards his cheek and caressing it before just holding it there. He had mindlessly leaned into the touch, almost shivering at it. Another laugh, and his heart skipped a beat. He could only look up at him in a daze, lips parted open slightly. God, why’d he have to fall so hard for him? He was embarrassed that he couldn't do much else other than have Akira take the reigns. He was taking painstakingly long too, taking the time to just stare at him before finally leaning in. 

This time he was able to savor the kiss. It was warm and light, and Akira had carefully rested his other hand on his hip, as if he was making an effort not to break him. The kiss itself was like a song, a slow, melodious rhythm that only made him dizzy. He had to cling onto the back of his shirt, leaning into him so that he wouldn't fall over. He had no experience with kissing himself, and could only feebly follow him, once again letting Akira take the lead. But if every one of his kisses made him feel like he was sitting atop the clouds, he wouldn't mind giving it to him. 

They finally parted to give themselves some time to breathe. Akira let out a heavy, but happy sigh and Ryuji shifted a hand over to his face. It was hot from the flush, but soft like velvet. Softer than he could have ever imagined. He moved back towards his hair, the black curls engulfing his hand almost entirely. Felt like a cloud, and he could already see himself playing with it constantly. He could hear quiet hums coming from Akira, whose head was tilted into his hand, eyes closed. He smiled at him, unable to resist planting a kiss on his forehead. 

He shifted to sit up a bit straighter and Ryuji pulled his hand back. Akira ran a hand through his own hair, “You know, I never thought I'd get the chance to do that. You act so horribly straight.” 

“Hey!” He barked out, nudging at him, “I've had my fair share of boy crushes too, jus’, feel like I gotta be showy with that other side...Y’know how it is.” Akira was gay, but he could see it too sometimes. Having to act otherwise, just to hide from hurtful eyes. Akira nodded at him. 

“Plus, I didn't think I’d have a chance either.” He sighed. “You're way outta my league man, dunno what you see in me. Didn't know you cared that much.” 

“Well I fell in love with you the first time we met, you're stuck with me now.” Another laugh from him, and he placed a hand on Ryuji’s shoulder, “Seriously though, you're funny, cute, and someone who really cares about others. I think I scored the jackpot really.” 

It was in that moment he knew he'd never trade this memory, or  _ him _ for the world. He could now happily call Akira his, he was Akira’s. He couldn't ask for anything more really.


End file.
